Relationship work

For a long time now I have been wanting to share a wonderful tool my husband and I have developed that first rescued our marriage and has helped us keep the closeness as we go down the bumpy yellow brick road.

"I thought, everything was ok and now you are telling me you've been unhappy for years!" I felt for my husband. My confessions had shaken him deeply. "The worst part is, how can I ever trust that things are getting better?  If I could be this wrong today, what is to convince me all is good in the future?"

He had a point. Yes, we were having problems - but I was pretty sure we could get past them. But for it to work, we needed to know that good meant good - and not the impression of good. I was a little scared, too. If he lost trust, it was a guarantee, things could never be truly better. I thought fast.  What would... the thought began to form.

"I have a way..."  I began.  He did not look particularly convinced after I explained. I was a little hurt - where was the credit for my brilliant idea that came in a moment of crisis? "Fine, we can try this." He was going to let me have at it, not exactly kicking and screaming - but I knew, I had my work cut out for me. 

Martin Luther King day

Martin Luther King day has a rather dual nature. It rings of heroism and dreams and justice and freedom. Yet, it also reminds us of the variety of phenomena in our culture it stands for: pandering in place of heroism, entitlement rather than dreams, the injustice of affirmative action, political correctness and censorship which crowd freedom.

We were sitting in a beautiful garden setting at the patio of a local Olive Garden. 

"You know, Alex," I said to my four-year-old, "tomorrow is a very special holiday. Once upon a time there was a great hero."  I looked at my husband - did he see where I was going with it? Or would he cringe at the mention?  He smiled. I knew, we were on the same wavelength.

You don't always get what you want

"You don't always get exactly what you want," I tell my four-year-old son, "but sometimes things work out for the best anyway." I repeat this statement several times a week. He is four, and the subject comes up a lot, "but I wanted to do it NOW!" and there are many common variations.

What is the lesson here? Life is full of values waiting to be had. Focusing on attaining the precise circumstance and refusing to be happy at a minor alteration is a common trait for two-year-olds and more often than one would expect carries strongly into adulthood. Relaxing and finding a way to enjoy what you can achieve at the moment, leads to a happy and productive life.  This, of course, is not a reason to give up on achieving perfection, but focusing on little steps and little joys will help us get there.

Speaking freely

A few months ago, my husband recommended that I read RationalJenn's blog. That event turned out to create a major change in my life. I discovered that I was not alone in applying rational principles & reason to parenting. There were people out there who came together to interact and learn with the single purpose of raising independent self-confident individuals that hold objective reality, a man's mind and independence above all else.