Are objectivists evil?

I recently shared with my facebook audience that I am a member of the Objectivist Answers site and get to answer questions. After a short while, I found a lot of insightful perspective on objectivists and how they come through to others. Here are two reactions from good friends:

Your answer was good, but boy, the question, and other answers to it, show why I find most Objectivists repugnant. Even the one that got that doing things of societal value was ok went all evil at the end.

Here you can find answers to such burning questions as "Does a fetus initiate the use of physical force against its mother?" and "Is eating bread immoral?"

It should give you pause that a philosophy, which roots itself in the notion of objective morality, projects itself this way to others.

What compels most people when they first encounter objectivism are its positive notions: the value of productive work, honesty and integrity; the idea that people are basically good and each has within him the ability to make great choices and become what he sets his mind to; the value of independent thought and never substituting another's judgment for one's own; the notion that life can and should be enjoyed and suffering is not essential.

It is only once these positive notions are well-understood and integrated, can one begin rejecting the things in our culture that contradict them. Let me go through an example.

Co-operation between member of society is crucial to its success. One of my favorite objectivist notions is that there is no conflict in interests of rational people. This means that it is likely in my best interest to donate blood as I understand the medical need for having blood banks. It is not in my best interest to give my blood to a stranger when donating blood will undermine my health (for some strange medical reason) and will undermine my ability to care for my children, pursue my productive goals and enjoy life. Few will disagree with either of these statements and understanding why one would choose to engage in a positive activity (donating blood and cooperating with others) is far more valuable than understanding a bizzarre edge-case of the other.

Finding the joy in life, the ability to pursue values despite obstacles and happiness attained in the process are the core values of objectivism that I implicitly teach to my children. Learning to find compromise when there is a conflict is one of the skills they will need to achieve happiness (which is ultimately the purpose of one's life.) Cooperating with classmates without hitting them over the head and finding value in the interaction will enable them to succeed in the classroom today and in the society as adults. At some point they will learn that some people believe they have the right to something that belongs to another and can use force to attain it. They will be able to combat this notion through the complete understanding of the value of cooperation and benevolence, of the rights innate to an individual, not because they are indoctrinated against self-sacrifice (a notion that's foreign to the child anyway!)

When we discuss our life philosophy, it is valuable to envision that you are standing on a street corner sharing your views with the passers by. Some are arriving, some are leaving. What they retain is bits and pieces of what you have said. What would you like for them to have heard come out of your mouth? "One should exert productive effort to achieve his values" or "... it is wrong to offer one a job on the basis of the need to feed his family..." (In case you are wondering: Yes, making such an offer would hurt the employer *and* the employee who will subsequently get fired from a job he was unqualified for, likely leaving in a worse shape than he arrived.)

And if you are awake at night, bothered with questions about whether a fetus is initiating physical force...  There is nothing wrong with asking whatever question comes to mind in a forum - I don't hold it against you!  However... have you focused on and understood the value of having children in all stages? Have you examined the motivations behind a mother getting pregnant? Have you determined whether either can be a rational choice? Is the fetus's action against its mother the only remaining unanswerable question you have?  You will understand objectivism, philosophy generally and your own life far better if you focus on the things that are essential first - and the remainder might become self-evident faster than you might have thought.

In other words, focus on the positive values when you think about philosophy or advocate it. The "why it is wrong" questions will often answer themselves when you integrate the "why this is right, good and joyful" type.

(If you are curious, you will find the questions I have answered in my Objectivist Answers profile.)

What if they see us?

Today was a comedy of problems and laughs. We pulled through it: two sick babies, one tired (and possibly sick) mama.  Lily woke up at 2am, said she was feeling great and wanted to watch tv.  Unbeknownst to her, I happened to know, she was running a fever, because I have special fever sensing powers. Nonetheless, I set her up with Diego and went back to sleep. 

I couldn't get a nanny. So I wrote in sick to my virtual job. And we had an honesty-goodness lazy messy unproductive sick day! We didn't eat good meals, we turned the house into a sty, we did not do any proper educational activities - not a single book got read! 

Eventually, I decided, it was time to go buy snow shoes as we are going to Mount Baldy this weekend. I got them together and not an hour later, we were in the car. And i got lost! Then Alex decided, he wanted some character cap and was going to HIT ME if I didn't get it for him. He is going through a bully stage, having learned that scaring people enables him to get his way. I used the opportunity to explain the general consequences of bullying in society and did not buy him the cap.

I was starving.  Beyond starving.  (Mark Sisson, you can go do your fasting thing if you think it's healthy - I need to EAT! This is not my prim-and-proper all-paleo cave kitchen blog - and god damned, I can say it if I want to!) The only thing we saw for what always seems to me like miles of mall (I am not a big shopper!) was a pretzel stand. Well, pretzel it is, then! I was beyond exhaustion or arguing. I got Alex every single thing he pointed at, spending $25 at the stupid pretzel store and settled in to eat.  Oh, god, it was horrible!

At the end of the long night, we are wandering through Burlington Coat Factory like Moses in the desert, looking for mittens. We had to ask for directions at least a dozen times as they don't believe in signs at that store. At one point Alex said, "You know, mommy, I was thinking, everyone you ask for directions knows where to go."  "What you are trying to say is, your mommy is the only one who doesn't?"  "Yep!" Sigh... The outcome: no snow mittens. And now, the last thing of the day: getting out of the mall successfully and going home. I was spent.  There was nothing left. May be it was the hunger, may be the pretzels, may be the two angels got me sick.  But I laid down on the floor and the kids and I cuddled and played like it was our living room. It was fun!

"Hey guys," I said.  Look around: can you tell, we are the only family cuddling on the floor, everyone else is just wandering about shopping?"  "What if they see us?" said Alex. "Let me give you a piece of advice.  NEVER worry about them seeing you.  You are either right - or wrong. And what they see doesn't change that."

And with that, we successfully (surprise!) found my car.  I was so excited (part of me was predicting another forty days through the parking lot!) and I said, "Yay! Who has the best mommy in the world?"  "Yi-yi does!" said Lily.  "Alex does!" said Alex.  And in the end, it wasn't a bad day after all.

Saline drops for stuffy noses

Stuffy nose, achy head, sinus pressure, cough caused by sinus drip - all of these turn out to be best addressed with saline drops. I am writing this so I would quit forgetting to use them when I have a cold! Seriously, though, saline drops are magic! The idea is, they rinse the sinus out and my pediatrician claims, can reduce the amount of time a cold lasts by a third of more! 

In my experience, saline rinse is least effective when you have a drippy nose. Since the idea is to let all the yuck out, a drippy nose is already well on the way! They do wonders for a cough that's caused by sinus congestion (often preventing it from descending into your chest). They are also great to get rid of sinus headache and pressure, protecting against a sinus infection. Just great stuff all around!

This is what you do:

1/4 - 1/2 tsp salt, 1/8 - 1/2 tsp bakind soda. 1 cup of water.

Why the range? I found a variety of recipes online. It appears, less salty solution is less irritating. I would use the lower range for the youngest kids. I always test the solution on myself before I give it to kids - and sure enough, the bottom of the range is easiest to tolerate!

Now, this is really important: the water must be very warm. Test a drop on the back of your hand. It must feel warm, not cold! Cold water inside your nose hurts! I usually make a batch at the beginning of a cold and heat it up in the microwave before use.

Use a regular medicine dropper to administer. I use just a single drop in each nostril with kids - 2-3 for myself, 2-4 times daily. How do they take it? They are very scared. Invariably they tell me, it doesn't feel so bad - but each time we get ready, they are scared all over. It's not a pleasant experience and we get a popsicle in hand before we start. I explain the value and tell them that it feels weird, but it doesn't hurt. They resist a little, but it's obvious they know I am right.

According to our pediatrician, antihistamines and decongestants have not been proven to be very effective for kids. So them being off the market is not a great loss. I can attest to the effect of saline and I don't miss the other stuff.  Enjoy!

Another baby?

It has been about six weeks since I lost my pregnancy and with it, the hope for the baby that was going to be. At first, I was doing all right: these things happen, you move on, and you make the best choices you can moving forward.

A few days ago, my husband and I decided, there would be no more babies in our future.  It was an easy decision, requiring little discussion.  Our kids are growing and in preschool, which avails us of the opportunity to gain financial stability that got lost somewhere in the last few years' economic markets. We are starting a business - a real thing - in a few weeks, we'll be leasing an office and hiring engineers and sales people to propel it forward. We do have a perfect family: a boy and a girl, both intelligent, healthy physically and emotionally. I've been lonely the last few years; happy but lonely, cut off from society, friends and intellectual peers by the task of parenting. Honestly, I am looking forward to being in the middle of a bustling business, full of ups and downs, people, conflicts, celebrations and shared achievements. It all adds up to just about perfect. 

Only today I was crying.  Crying hard about the baby I lost. It's not the fetus whose body I saw and touched at the hospital, but what that the image of that tiny thing represents to me now. Would I never get to put a baby to my breast again? Rock an infant to sleep on my chest while walking around with a baby carrier? Will Alex never have "another baby" he has been so excited about? Will the family I have been imagining at Thanksgiving twenty years from now lack this new person that would have been?

This is the first time I have ever faced a heart-mind dichotomy, the phenomenon where what you believe is right is at odds with what you feel. I have always made each decision in my life with my eyes open, understanding my feelings and integrating emotions with reason. Is it because I never wanted anything this badly against all odds? Or because I am so busy wanting to prove to myself that I can make the right decision with ruthless precision at each turn, I was in a hurry to write this one in?

Whatever it is, the error was immediately clear to both of us as we sat discussing our future. Having a child is a decision that has to be made with one's heart. To put it another way, the only reason to have a child is because you want it so badly, it becomes paramount to your happiness. Raising and providing for a child require solid reason-based eyes open clear-cut decisions and I'll have the opportunity to give myself a chance to do all the computations necessary when the time comes.

In the meantime, we are giving it another try!

Catholic school teacher who chooses action

This is a very old story, shared with me by a relative who went to a catholic school some time in the fifties.

It was a large and locally prestigious school for girls that taught literature, history, math and science.  Religion, of course, was the primary purpose and most of the teacher were nuns.  Rules were strict: no skirts above the knee, no pants, no questioning the teacher, certainly no mouthing off.  Nonetheless, the children were getting good education and the parents were pleased.

One of the teachers was different: not a nun, she had a secular approach to educating children.  She was appalled at the fact that her teenage students knew nothing about sex, birth control, pregnancy or safety. She saw that, coming from catholic families, these girls were not free to discuss these subjects with their families, but also that this did not diminish their interest in the opposite sex.

The teacher chose to do what she felt was right.  After class, she closed her doors and explained to the girls that she would teach them about what was going on with their bodies, sex and what was to come. She said, she would answer any reasonable question and did, passing on what she considered inappropriate for the discussion, but being forthright and honest about the rest.

It is clear, she was taking a tremendous risk, keeping something like this a secret, relying on catholic teenage girls to keep her out of trouble! But my question is, was what she was doing right?

She broke her contract with a private institution, which made no secret of its goals and agenda. She engaged with minors in a manner that was explicitly contrary to their parents' wishes, violating their implicit contract with the school. Does being right justify her actions?

Home-made soda alternative

Drinking soda is a hard habit to break.  Yet, for a lot of us, it is an important one. Reguar soda is so full of high fructose corn syrup, you might as well be eating pancake syrup with a spoon. Diet soda is certainly a better choice, but by a rather narrow margin. There was a very comprehensive guide to diet soda recently published on MarksDailyApple.com and is a worthwhile read. 

So what's the solution? While switching to water, if you can do it, is a great move, we have discovered a reasonably healthy alternative that might just delight your tastebuds, budget and sense of creativity.