Lily (18 mos) is dancing to Mozart in her music class. The teacher is handing out gauze scarfs that make it even more fun. "Tanks!" she automatically murmurs as she grabs the scarf and starts spinning around. A boy bumps into her, almost knocking her off her feet. "Soh-wee," she says as she struggles to right herself. "OK?" she turns to check on the boy before returning to her dance. Soon the music is over. "Drink, peeese!" she smiles at me and give me a hug as I open a water bottle for her.
Where did she learn to act this way? Mostly, from her three-year-old brother Alex, who is delighted by how well he has taught her. He knows the secret that most adults miss.
Bad language is not the only type of idiom that stick. Children imitate all they hear from us: speech mannerisms, colorful epithets, exclamations of joy & frustration. Same goes for politeness.
Kylee (age 4, as far as I can tell) is engaged with her friends at the playground. A girl shares a toy. Kylee's eyes are full of delight. Thankfully, she picks up the doll and looks at her in fascination. She looks up at her new friend, in silent grattitude. Suddenly, Mom appears. "What do we say, Kylee?" the moment is gone... Kylee becomes withdrawn. She takes back a few steps and murmurs, "Thank you..." "That's right, Kylee, we always remember to say thank you, right?" The rhetorical question is left unanswered and Kylee is absent-mindedly twirling the doll's hair as Mom leaves.
Kylee has received a lesson her mother would be shocked to learn she has given. Instead of politeness, she was tutoring her daughter in tactless, graceless rudeness. Have no doubt - the lesson learned will surface, though not recognized by either - and her family's reaction will confuse Kylee further, beginning to undermine her trust in her family, adults, the world around her.
