Lying creates one of the most hurtful conflicts we have with our children. The problem usually starts up at the age of two and a half. "I washed hands!" he announces with a mischievous grin and eventually produces filthy, grime-covered fingers. The issue escalates as he gets older, often becoming a family battle by the time he reaches his teens. Not surprisingly, we are long past thinking it's cute at that stage.
Siblings without rivalry
Siblings fought before you were born, while you were growing up, they still fight now and will forever, right? I knew a woman who said, she did not want to have multiple children because she didn't want to experience what her and her sister put her mom through by their constant conflicts.
I only had one child and was still pregnant with the second. "My goodness," I thought. How are these children expected to get along independently? What kind of a relationship are they going to have?
Next time we heard a howl for adult intervention, I decided to experiment.
Miraculously, Torry, who had been a belligerent two-year-old boy all afternoon, was offering Rylee the precious truck they have spent all day fighting about!
We were visiting friends, wonderful parents of two young children.
"Mooooom, Tory is not sharing!" "Tory, be nice to your sister!"
"Moooom! Rylee took my truck!" "Rylee, give that truck back!"
I only had one child and was still pregnant with the second. "My goodness," I thought. How are these children expected to get along independently? What kind of a relationship are they going to have?
Next time we heard a howl for adult intervention, I decided to experiment.
"Rylee, have you told Torry how you feel? Give it a try! I know he loves you. Just ask him for your toy."
Miraculously, Torry, who had been a belligerent two-year-old boy all afternoon, was offering Rylee the precious truck they have spent all day fighting about!
Positive discipline: learning through consequences
Physical punishment is out of vogue, though I bet the vast majority of parents spank or otherwise use punitive force against their kids, whether they admit it or not. The notion of punishment, however, is still as american as apple pie.
Alex was visiting his cousin. "She is in time-out," he was told by her older sister. He looked puzzled. "She was punished," Hunter explained. Blank stare. "Well, she is in trouble!" Alex began looking vaguely concerned. At the age of two, he had never been exposed to the idea of punishment or any terminology that went with it.
Our family learned the method of natural consequences long before he had the capacity to misbehave. The idea is simple to learn, but it requires self-discipline, patient practice, and a willingness to make mistakes.
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