Things might be better than I thought.

A few days ago I wrote a rather uniquely revealing post about myself: I am better than you. I kept asking myself why I wanted to publish something like that in such a public forum. I guess, it is like setting a marker.  It is out there, now I have to look at it in all seriousness.


And guess what?  Upon a lot of self-reflection, beating myself up, examining my motivations, and dissecting actions and experiences, I realized, that I was completely wrong.

1. I do not think, I am better than you.  
2. However, I am extremely attached to my ideas. I spend a lot of time and effort picking them out, thinking and improving upon them. The ideas I hold are the most important part of my identity.
3. Bad ideas can offend me. I recently saw a mother spank her child to get him back in line - at a Montessori school event of all places! I froze, unsure how to respond, until I remembered that spanking is not really abuse by any means.  It is just so far away from my experience with parents I know, I forgot it is ok with the vast majority of the culture. Nonetheless, it is now the most notable thing about the woman who did that.
4. I judge people on the basis of the ideas they hold - often even more strongly than on their actions.
5. If you hold bad ideas in an area that is the basis of our relationship, I will be disappointed, and that basis will be gone.  In other words, if we spend time with our kids on the playground, you may hold bad ideas about software - but it is important that you are a reasonably good parent. Otherwise, what is there to talk about?

I acknowledge that I do not hold a multitude of easy, casual relationships with people.  We meet, we get along, we start spending time together, then we either fit, or, more likely, don't. In the two and a half years I have spent living in our current location, meeting various parents at Alex's school, I met one family, with whom I will remain friends. We have many things that are different, most notably, they are catholic, while I am an atheist.  But our kids are friends and they put as much energy into parenting as I do, doing their best within the realm of positive discipline, montessori education, respectful relationship with their children and putting their time together ahead of everything else. There is never a day that we fail to share something important and insightful that helps us both along on our journey.


And finally, the million dollar question: is it something I want to change? Well... in a manner of speaking.  Not my commitment to ideas, nor my strong emotional attachment to my judgments. There is one thing though... I do need to meet more people that I like. Parenting is a horrible social selector, and it is the entirety of humanity I have been exposed to for the last five years. 


I do have to change my life. As to how - to be continued....