Blood and gory numbers

After many months of arguing with myself about the value of having another baby, I surrendered.  There was a basic and fundamental problem: while all the arguments against it were obviously right, rational and clearly optimized for a better life - they just did not work!  So eventually, my husband and I made the decision to move ahead.

A few weeks of HARD WORK later, we had a pink line!  Now, if you've been reading this blog for a while, you will know, that this is not yet cause for celebration for me.  It's been barely over a year since I lost the first of the two most recent pregnancies. I had decided not to tell anyone, so as to avoid a very public sadness if the news were bad - the only problem is - I couldn't do it!  It it just plain too hard to have news so big and important, and fail to tell my friends.  And yes, many of them I have never met, and the only connection we have is through Facebook or this blog.  So there we have it - I posted my BIG SECRET last week.

My new doctor seemed to really take my situation to heart and began monitoring my blood immediately.  The news so far are neither disastrous, nor encouraging.  Here is the situation. 

HCG - your basic pregnancy hormone - is supposed to double every 48-72 hours. My number on day 32 was 290, which falls well within the crazy-wide range for week five of 18 - 7,340.  A week later, the number is near 2,000.  Clearly moving along, but I'd be happier if it were at the upper end.

Progesterone - this is the hormone responsible for many of the pregnancy symptoms (of which I always have very few, and fewer still now) - and again, a wide 4-34 is acceptable.  Mine turned up at 16 and my doctor said, "I'd be happier if it were at 20" and prescribed demetrium - a progesterone supplement.  After doing that for a week, my level went down to 12!  OK, that's decidedly the wrong direction.  :-(

So what does it all mean?  My initial reaction - that I am too old, too broken to have a baby, life is unfair.  There is definitely a god and he is spiteful.  Oh, and I give up - I won't even go for any further blood tests!

The morning after, I went back to a more measured approach.  Clearly, something is wrong with my body.  The wrongness is unlikely to be a typical chromosomal problem as those tend to prevent people from getting pregnant.  We've never had an issue there at all.  So the more likely explanation - the oven.  I also suspect, the issue is not structural.  Not only have I had healthy children, but in my last two pregnancies, the problem was diagnosed long before any natural processes expelling the baby began taking place.  Hormones?  Been my suspicion for a long time.  I am thrilled, my doctor is monitoring the situation.  We'll surely be able to figure out what it is, fix it and do better in the future, if not this time.

I'll probably post updates as things develop.