Eight weeks: is it a blueberry?

I am feeling scared today, absolutely terrified.  I am now almost eight weeks pregnant.  Two weeks till that magic line when the risk of miscarriage goes down to almost none. That's like being in the semi-finals and the pressure is on.

I feel great physically.  No nausea. No soreness anywhere, really, with some occasional familiar pain in the abdomen, signaling that things are moving around, trying to make space. I love those: a gentle reminder that there is something going on in there.  But it's the only one! Am I really pregnant?  I remember a story that happend to my coache's wife.  She went for her first ultrasound and they found a dead baby... Scooped it out, got her cleaned up.  Mine is a week away.  Can I please have permission to jump at shadows for the next week?

OK, as my husband so eloquently pointed out, I am not completely symptom free:  "You have certainly been insane enough" he remarked as I was bemoaning the lack of symptoms.  I am so mad! No, not because he said that.  But I keep being mad at different people: my mother-in-law, the sight of whom is causing me to shake, a Realtor that sent me too many listings, yes, my husband, who has a way of not being perfect when I need him the most - and you!  Yes, YOU.  For not sharing my blog on facebook, not leaving comments, and just plain not wanting to be my friend.  OK, that's only in the lowest moments.  Really, don't leave!  I like you here.  :-)  Seriously, though, I want to stop being mad, and scared.  I want to get to that glorious point when you find out the baby is no longer an IT, has fingers and toes, and a perfect heart beat - and everything is going to be all right.  You look like you are armed with a large watermelon and strangers smile as you waddle around.  NOW!  Before I get mad!

There is one salvation: I have been a perfect parent!  I don't know how I am doing it, really... I don't yell at my kids, don't even usually get mad at them.  I pick them up from school and revel in my time with them.  It's like, I have created a little world for myself, in which I have these perfect creatures, living with me in Heinleinian harmony, the source of my life and self-esteem, and hope and happiness.  I am not usually like this, so that observer inside of me is quite perplexed.

The baby, they say, is the size of the blueberry....  Eight days till the heartbeat.  Or a dead baby scoop.  Counting down....