I am a little selfish

"Mommy, I am a little selfish sometimes,"  said Alex.  I knew that he was struggling with the internal conflict caused by the culture he is embedded in, their attempts to teach him that he ought to live a life of sacrifice rather than pursuing values, though not quite successful, resulting in a predictable turmoil.

"Tell me about it!" I said cheerfully.  "Well, I am selfish about my special Smurf," he continued.  "And my penguin pillow." Alex was enumerating things of personal value and significance within eyesight.  "Oh yeah?  Well, me too!" I added, not letting on anything was amiss. "I am selfish about my beautiful new house! And my newly painted bright-yellow car, and, of course, my special special babies!" I leaned over to his bed and we took a moment to giggle and cuddle together.


"Eh, mom, so what does selfish mean?" My point hit home. Now he needed to know more. "It means, caring for yourself and things that matter to you."

From there, it was easy sailing.  He was relieved at having been granted the option to pursue his values, and I took the opportunity to illustrate the difference between selfishness, self-absorption, and hedonism. "One more thing," I said. "You know, if you care for yourself, it doesn't mean you always do whatever you feel like.  Sometimes you have to decide what's more important, the thing you want right now, or what it's going to do to your life. If you care for yourself, your life is important, right?" We talked about balancing short-term and long-term values, caring for people in our lives, making each other happy and how that ties back to caring for oneself.


Mommy one. Immanuel Kant zero. But who is counting?